If These Walls Could Talk: The Obsession of Konoha
by TearInYourHand
Summary: In the Hidden Village of Konoha lie many secrets that shape the lives of it's inhabitants. Everyone's lifes are centered around an obsession for one individual, the last of the Uchiha Clan, Uchiha Sasuke. They also enjoy smoking herb.


If These Walls Could Talk: The Obsession of Konoha

Part One : Pure Uchiha Herb and The Last Uchiha

By: Raine Williams and Sid

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Raine Says : Hello my fairies! I hope you enjoy my first attempt at fan fiction. For this I chose to write about my favorite anime Naruto! Naruto is full of great characters that we never get to see just hanging out and displaying their laid back sides (they are too busy doing great things for Konoha! Their hidden village...) But I sincerely believe that if they were to just hang out this is how they would act. I believe the poor dears never get to have the fun they deserve to just be able to sit back and smoke some herb like normal teenagers. For this grand writing adventure, I teamed up with Sid, my dearest sister. She contributed greatly and her talent really shines through. Anyway I hope sincerely that this story touches someone's heart or at least makes you chuckle a bit. Fuck the corporate world.

Sid's Breaks Down : Yeah, fuck the corporate world. Anyway, I don't really give a fuck if any of you fuckers like this story. And I don't think this is how they would act. I'm enjoying corrupting all your favorite characters. But Sasuke really is hot. That is the biggest and only truth of this story. Of the world. ) Remember it's for entertainment and amusement value only. If you get worked up over it, then that's your fucking problem. Peace bitch.

We do not own Naruto.

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Sasuke finished placing his gloves on both hands and looked over at his reflection in the mirror. Damn. He was sexy. And it wasn't just his vanity that told him this. He knew it was true by the lustful stares that seemed to follow him wherever he went. And not only that but Orochimaru, one of the three legendary whatcha-ma-call-its wanted his body. And Kabuto. And Naruto. And Sakura. And all his fan girls.

Even that man wanted his body. Sasuke narrowed his eyes. He would kill that man. But first, he'd have to gain power.

A slight lift at the corner of his perfect mouth. Today would be a good day. Yes. After all, he was very, very sexy.

"Sasuke."

Sasuke lifted his eye brow, looking at the mirror's reflection of Gaara. The sand ninja was floating outside his window, pieces of sand tumbling onto Sasuke's clean floor. The Uchiha sniffed but didn't remark.

Neji poked his head out from behind Gaara, "Hurry up and stop admiring yourself,"

Sasuke blinked, "You knew?'

"Remember, I see all with these eyes." Neji remarked and flipped his hair over his shoulder.

"It was obvious." Gaara said in his monotone voice.

Sasuke considered remarking that they were just jealous, but he didn't feel the need to rub his perfectness in their faces. They were, after all, his minions in his plot for world domination. Er, wait, did I say minions? I meant comrades, yes comrades. Moving on, Sasuke placed his gloved hands into his pockets and sauntered over to the window. He hopped easily onto the layer of sand Gaara was controlling and the three floated towards where all the young genins hung out in the hidden village of konoha.

Along the way, Neji pulled out his pipe.

"Pure Hyuuga herb." Neji remarked, "I stole it from the head family's stash."

"Hmm. Good." Sasuke replied, almost saying, minion, but refrained.

There was a light in Gaara's eyes, "Make sure you pass it to me next or I'll drop you right now."

Sasuke frowned, but dismissed it. Uchiha herb was the best there was, and he was the only one who knew how to grow it properly. He narrowed his eyes. Damn, he had thought of that man again. That man who wanted his body. But then again, who didn't? His angry thoughts were pushed aside as the healing smell of the herb floated pass his adorable, perfect nose. Sasuke smiled.

Gaara was puffing on the pipe like there was no tomorrow. Neji had to reprimand him, "Watch it, I don't have much left and Sasuke hasn't gotten to hit it yet."

Good Neji. Sasuke smirked. You will do as your told. Perhaps Neji would become his right hand slave. Yes, the Hyuuga was pleasant to look at and powerful. And Sasuke really did like his herb, though it couldn't compare to the Uchiha herb.

Gaara glared at Neji, but slowly passed the pipe to Sasuke. Both ninja's turned to watch Sasuke as the Uchiha took his share, mostly because, though neither would admit it, he looked so damn sexy doing it. Sasuke noticed their looks and inwardly smirked. Yes, yes, he was sexy. He knew it. And he actually kinda liked the fact that they were both checking him out, after all, he preferred them to everyone else and planned to make them his sex slaves as well as minions. Sasuke bet that Gaara was a freak. A freak behind closed doors, that is.

Sasuke purposely licked his lips, just for extra measure and a little treat, because he liked them so. He passed the pipe to Neji. The Hyuuga took it slowly, his eyes not leaving Sasuke's face, or more accurately, Sasuke's lips. Gaara cleared his throat and turned his eyes back ahead of them.

"We're almost there. Put it away." Gaara ordered. He was stingy, even when the herb wasn't his. Neji blinked and then shared a knowing look with Sasuke. How Gaara loved his herb. The sand ninja crossed his arms and looked back at them, "Well? Do you really want to share it with Naruto and those other dropouts?"

Neji placed the pipe back to it's respected place, "You have a point. That baka can smoke some herb."

"And he never has his own." Gaara remarked, "Annoying."

Within minutes they descended to the ground. The surrounding genin stopped what they were doing, which wasn't much mind you, to watch the three. Or more precisely, to watch Sasuke as he sauntered towards them, flocked on both sides by his minions, er, comrades. Ino and Sakura were instantly blocking his way.

"Sasuke-kun!" Ino cried, latching onto him. Sakura went red in the face and quickly latched herself onto the opposite side of Sasuke. Sasuke frowned. He didn't mind Sakura's attention, since he planned to use her devotion and body for his own ambition, but the other was a different story. He looked over at Neji, who quickly moved to Ino's side.

"I advise you to remove yourself," Neji said, "Because with these eyes, I see your demise if you don't."

Behind him, Gaara popped his neck and revealed his teeth in an expression resembling a growling dog. Ino blinked and slowly released her hold. Neji was very strong after all. She glared at Sakura, who stuck her tongue out and then stared in awe at Sasuke's handsome face.

Sasuke continued to walk, with Sakura latched onto his right arm. Neji followed behind him, annoyed that the annoying pink haired bitch was touching Sasuke, but since Sasuke didn't mind, Neji would bare with it. Gaara came up the rear, snapping once at Ino for good measure. The girl wrinkled her nose up in slight disgust and mostly fear. Sasuke stopped at the brick wall and casually leaned against it. After it was clear that he wasn't going to move anymore, the other genin stopped staring like jack asses and started doing something.

Naruto bounded over to Sasuke, screeching, "SASUKE!" in his terribly annoying voice. Sasuke cringed slightly, Neji huffed, and Gaara twitched. Sakura didn't notice, because she was heaven, er, beside Sasuke. Touching him. And he was allowing it. OMG.

Naruto tripped over Neji's foot and fell flat on his face. Sasuke chuckled in amusement. Naruto quickly picked himself up off the ground, he couldn't let THE Uchiha see him in such an uncool position!

"What are you doing Sasuke? Are you guys planning to smoke some herb?" Naruto asked with a wide smile. Gaara twitched again and wished that he could kill Naruto, but Sasuke had forbid it. For some reason Sasuke wanted Naruto around. Must be for amusement sake and entertainment value, Gaara decided. Though, Naruto mostly just got on his nerves.

Sasuke sniffed, "We already did."

"Oh, are you going to smoke anymore? Because I took some from Ero-sennin and I bet you its really good! Wanna try some with me?" Naruto asked energetically. Sasuke turned this option over in his head. Then he shrugged. "YAHOO!" Naruto jumped in the air happily and pulled out the bag from his back pocket. In his haste he dropped it on the ground. Neji snorted.

"You clumsy moron."

"Baka. Clumsy baka." Sasuke corrected him, "It fits him better."

"Ah, you're right." Neji nodded, "Ahem, Clumsy baka."

The two shared a laugh and Gaara smirked slightly. Sakura rubbed her cheek against Sasuke's arm and pressed her chest closer to his arm. Sasuke smirked. Yes, he liked the feeling of her breast against him. It was nice. One day he planned to make Neji, Gaara, and Sakura do his biding behind closed doors. But that would come later. Once they had begun the process of gaining control of the world there and completing that process, he would have time to dedicate himself to sex. But not now! Now was the time to smoke some really good herb.

Neji pulled out his pipe, "We'll use mine."

"You can load it Sasuke," Naruto said, handing over the bag to Sasuke. Sasuke blinked, having been staring down Sakura's shirt.

The Uchiha took it slowly and then smiled, "Thanks for the herb."

"Ah! Yeah, you can have it!" Naruto said stupidly. Neji looked over at Sasuke's smirk. Damn the Uchiha for being so sexy and clever. But then again, those were only some of the qualities Neji liked so much about Sasuke.

Sasuke smiled, "You've done well, Naruto."

The baka was grinning like he was worth something. Neji snorted.

Sasuke stared at the stupid grin on Naruto's face. How easy it was to please him. But then again, it didn't take much for Sasuke to get what he wanted. A little smile here and a little wiggle there and he had everyone doing exactly what he wanted. Damn, he was at least blessed in one way for sure. And perhaps, the only way that could be used to his complete advantage. Being Sexy was a gift.

Sasuke loaded the pipe and took the first hit. He had to use both arms to do this, so Sakura let go of his right one, although a little unwillingly. Sasuke passed it to her, since she was a lady and an Uchiha had his gentlemen side. Sakura took her hit and coughed slightly. Sasuke allowed her to lean on him and once again, press her boobies against his arm. Ahh, how he liked that.

Neji was next. The Hyuuga took his hit and passed it to Gaara next. Gaara took a long hit that lasted for a minute, smoking the rest of the pipe load to ash. Sasuke passed the bag to Gaara, who quickly refilled the pipe. And because he was such a herb head, he took another hit before passing it to Naruto.

Naruto of course, could not keep his big mouth shut, although it would have been in his favor to do so, "HEY! You can't do that!"

Gaara's eyes landed on Naruto and the veins in them seemed to stand out even more. Sasuke clicked his tongue and Gaara seemed to relax.

"Now, now," Sasuke said coolly, "Don't kill him, Gaara."

The sand gathering behind Naruto dissipated and Naruto grinned stupidly, "Come on! I dare ya! I'll beat you no contest! After all, I'm going to become Konoha's Hokage one day!"

Sasuke chuckled to himself. So you believe Naruto. But soon enough, there wouldn't be a Konoha. Soon, soon. The Uchiha looked at the Hyuuga and they both chuckled. Sakura purred and rubbed her cheek against Sasuke's arm once more.

Sakura spoke for the first time, looking at Naruto, "Why are you over here anyway?"

Sasuke answered her question, "He had herb from that idiotic sensei of his."

Neji snorted, "Not that its any better than what we can get."

"Had a different flavor," Gaara remarked.

Naruto frowned, "Well, what are you doing over here Sakura? You're not even offering Sasuke anything to be in his presence!"

Sasuke chuckled slightly. Yes, it was a privilege to stand so close to him. Hell, breathing the same air was something of its own. Neji couldn't help but wonder why Sakura got to stand so close in the first place.

Sakura frowned as well and looked up at Sasuke, "Do.. do you want me to leave Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke turned to look at her and his eyes wandered to the opening of her shirt, "No, no, Sakura-chan." He flashed her a smile, "I," Emphasis on I, and he saw her eyes light up, heh, how easy, "want you to stay." Sakura was practically ready to rip his clothes off, and everyone knew it. And none would mind that much, but they wouldn't want to watch her touch Sasuke, since, well, they'd rather do that themselves.

Sakura's head was spinning from the intense desire that suddenly filled the bottom of her stomach and made her entire body tingle. Sasuke noticed this and grinned widely, running a hand through her hair for extra measure. Then he looked over Neji, who passed the pipe to him. He noticed the annoyed look on the Hyuuga's face. Jealousy. How humorous.

Yes. Sasuke could feel it. The building tension and desire of the three male genins to kill Sakura. Tsk, tsk. He'd have to deal out his treats evenly among them so they wouldn't get violent. Sometimes it was hard being so sexy, but most of the time Sasuke really, really enjoyed it.

As he took the pipe he allowed Neji's hand to brush against his, and he noticed the pleased look on the Hyuuga's face. Damn, people really were pleased in such small ways. Neji lit the herb for Sasuke, though by doing this it allowed Sakura to keep her hold on Sasuke's right arm.

Suddenly, Lee and Tenten made their way towards the five. Tenten frowned, noticing that Neji was stuck up Sasuke's ass again. Though she herself knew when to admire a pretty face, she wished Neji, as her boyfriend, would pay a little more attention to her. Lee pointed a finger at Sasuke.

"Uchiha Sasuke!" Lee called out loudly.

"That's my name." Sasuke grinned. Say it again, he thought. It had such a ring to it.

"As your eternal rival for Sakura's affections, I Rock Lee, will defeat you today!" Lee proclaimed, then he stabbed his finger at Neji, "And don't think I've forgotten about you either!"

Lee looked at Gaara, "Or you, for that matter!"

"Get a life, Lee-kun." Sakura said and then smiled sweetly, "You can't even begin to compare to Sasuke-kun. So don't bother. I'll only have eyes for him as long as I live!"

Sasuke shrugged slightly when Lee's accusing eyes landed on him, as if saying, well, what can I say, I'm sexy. Tenten knocked Lee onto the ground and placed her hands on her hips. "Neji! We had a date today! You were supposed to pick me up from my house!"

Neji blinked and then rubbed the back of his neck, "Ah, Tenten, you see... Gaara sort of showed up at my house and well, I was distracted."

"Distracted?" Tenten asked disbelievingly, "That's all you have to say?"

Sasuke decided to come to Neji's rescue and use the powers of charm, "Shh, it's alright. Everyone gets distracted from time to time. Just the other day I was supposed to take the garbage out but instead I got distracted by my own reflection and poor... uh, poor..." Sasuke paused, then grinned, "Oh yes, then poor Hinata, my personal maid aka slave girl, had to do it... though I had already promised her I would. Such a tragedy." Sasuke then shook his head, "Ah, but anyway, my point is... Neji's distraction is understandable."

"I would have killed him if he hadn't come with me." Gaara said with narrowed eyes, "And what Sasuke said makes sense too."

Tenten paused and stared at Sasuke. Wow. He was so fucking hot. She then smiled because she couldn't remember what she was so mad about, "I see what you're saying..."

Neji frowned slightly. Make it obvious that you're checking him out! But then again, Neji looked over at Sasuke. It was... so understandable...

Lee picked himself up off the ground, "Sasuke, teach me how to be sexy."

o.O

Sasuke cleared his throat and pondered this. Then he sighed and shook his head slowly, "Lee, being sexy is something that one can not achieve through hard work... well, you may be able to improve yourself..." A pause, "Er, maybe not you, though... um, back to what I was saying... it's something you're born with. See, Sakura was born with superb breast, Neji wonderful hair, and Gaara... well, Gaara was blessed with interesting eyes. We're all sexy... while you three..." He indicated to Lee, Tenten, and Naruto, "Well, you three could perhaps stand to improve yourselves and maybe you Tenten, could reach the level of being sexy... unfortunately, you Lee look too much like Gai and Naruto you're a cat."

Neji and Sakura both blushed, Neji quickly hiding his face. Gaara's eyes widened slightly at the comment and he could not hide the small smile that lifted the corners of his mouth. Tenten blinked and placed a hand to her cheek, "You think I could be sexy?"

"Oh sure." Sasuke grinned, "Just let your hair down more often. Girls look much better with their hair down."

Naruto and Lee had tears streaming down their faces, and they were both crouched down in the same position, with their hands clenched into fists. "I swear one day Sasuke will think I'm hot!" Naruto proclaimed while Lee wailed, "And they say Sasuke's word is absolute! What will I do! Gai-sensei, I need you!"

Lee then ran off in a fit of tears in search for his gay lover, er, I mean his sensei.

Tenten was still blushing from Sasuke's comment, which slightly annoyed Neji. She was, after all, his woman.

Sasuke noticed this, so he decided to rid himself of the females for the moment. A smile and eyes on Sakura, "Sakura-chan, would you take Tenten to your house and help her. I'm sure if you lend her some advice, she'll become sexier..." He leaned closer to her, "Of course, she could never compare to you."

Sakura shivered and then smiled, "Okay Sasuke-kun, since you really think so... come on Tenten, I'll help you." Sakura then released Sasuke's arm, hugged him, (hmm, boobies), and bounced away pulling Tenten with her. Sasuke looked over at Neji and grinned.

"Pass the pipe this way." He said coolly and flicked his bangs out of his eyes. Neji nodded and took the pipe out of Gaara's mouth, handing it to Sasuke. Sasuke chuckled and took a hit. Gaara refrained from killing something.

Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, and Temari made their way over to them. Sasuke's eyes traveled over Temari's body, and he decided he had found the other girl who would become his sex slave. First, he decided, he must win her over. Not that that would take much effort, of course.

"Yo," Sasuke said charmingly.

A gruntled hey from Shikamaru. Jealousy. Tsk Tsk. Kiba didn't bother to say anything and Chouji was too busy shoving chips into his mouth that Sasuke wasn't sure if he had greeted him in response. Temari was looking at him, which pleased him.

But she didn't say anything to him. Instead she looked at Gaara, "So this is where you've been. Come on, Kankuro said that the plants are ready to be picked. We're not doing it all by ourselves, since you're the herb head." She frowned and looked over at Sasuke, who held a pipe in his hand. "You gonna be polite and hand it this way or what?"

Sasuke grinned and handed it to her, "I had all intentions of doing so."

"Hmph." But she smiled.

Victory. Sasuke grinned as well. He watched in slight awe as she took a hit that rivaled Gaara's. Must run in the family, Sasuke noted. His eyes took that chance to check her out more thoroughly. Yes. She was sexy. And her boobies looked bigger than Sakura's! Score.

Shikamaru glared at Neji, "What'd you say to Ino? She went home all nervous."

"I informed her that I saw her demise in her future... by my own hand." Neji replied coolly and glared at Shikamaru, "Got a problem with that, Churning?"

"Er. Not really." Shikamaru shrugged. He knew when to back down in a situation. And he was smart strategy-wise. Sasuke pondered over this. He could be very useful, but he had never shown any real sexual interest in Sasuke, so it would be harder to gain his dedication, unlike Neji and Gaara, who were in denial about their attractions to Sasuke (but not for long, Sasuke smirked, since he planned to screw their brains out eventually). Sasuke frowned, it would be awkward with both Temari and Gaara being his love slaves at the same time... but Sasuke figured their lust for him would overcome that.

Temari handed the pipe to Shikamaru, who lazily took a hit and then passed it to Kiba. Gaara seemed annoyed that those two thought they were worthy enough to smoke the same weed as himself (and as Sasuke, for that matter) and he had to control the urge to kill them both. He looked at Temari and then at Sasuke's small smirk, and was slightly pleased that his favorite sibling had struck Sasuke's interest. She'd make a valuable member for their cause. But it would be annoying, considering he'd have to deal with her petty attempts to get Sasuke's attention... but Temari wasn't really that type. So, all was well.

"It's almost lunch time," Chouji pointed out, since he had finished his last bag of chips and his stomach was beginning to rumble, "I'm hungry."

"What's new?" Kiba snorted, but sighed, "Let's go get some ramen."

Naruto jumped up from where he'd been wallowing in self pity, "I'll go with you!"

Kiba frowned, but said, "Suit yourself." The three walked off. Shikamaru glanced at Temari.

"Are you coming?"

Sasuke frowned. So, she already had a man. Well, it was just Shikamaru and his skills weren't that important. Besides, Sasuke would rather have the assistance of a sexy girl than a brainy ugly dude like Shikamaru. Even more so, Neji was hot and smart himself.

Temari took one last hit off the pipe and handed it to Sasuke, her eyes avoiding his face as she did so. This baffled Sasuke. Why would someone avoid looking at HIM? Herm. So this world did have its mysteries. She followed Shikamaru and Sasuke took that time to watch her ass as she walked away. Neji noticed what he was looking at and sighed. Another dumb bitch to deal with, it would seem. Though, the blonde wasn't nearly as bothersome as the pink haired demon Sakura.

"Gaara." Sasuke said after he could no longer appreciate Temari's booty, "Your sister..."

"Is yours for the taking, if you can do it." Gaara replied and then hit the pipe, "She seems to have a thing for that... thing." Thing Shikamaru.

Sasuke placed a hand under his perfect chin, making Neji and Gaara both admire him as he thought about this, "Well, I know I can do it." Sasuke said nonchalantly. "It seems you aren't the only one in the family with the good looks, eh Gaara?"

Gaara looked at his feet and shrugged. Neji rolled his eyes.

Sasuke chuckled to himself. It really was shameful for him to pit the two against each other, so he leaned against Neji, "I'm getting tired and really stoned."

"Let's go to Kakashi's place." Neji offered, pleased that his skin was touching Sasuke's. Sasuke smiled, thinking of his come come paradise lovin' sensei. Yes, seeing Kakashi would be nice too. After all, Sasuke planned to screw his brains out eventually. It would be quite an accomplishment, in his opinion. A sexy, single Jounin. With the sharingan. Useful and sexy. Good combination.

And so they were off to Kakashi's phat!

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Raine: We look forward to reading your comments, thoughts, and hopefully praise and constructive criticisms! I hope that you have at least enjoyed our little contribution to the world of I hope that I meet many kindred spirits and others who can appreciate my story for what it is! I love you all!

Sid: _stares at Sasuke's ass_ Uh huh. Bye. Flame me. ;)


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